ABC... of Graduaton

Accumulating Knowledge NOT Grades
Becoming not Believing
Commencing not Completing
Determining not Doubting
Exacting not Exaggerating

Life & Death

we are unhappy because we have chosen to be , but not just that but because being happy is also a choice not a mandate then why dont we chose the choice which will give happiness and not chose the choice which will give unhappiness? because choice itself means we are confused , with clarity there is only selection , with confusion there is only choice. When you have choice u have them plenty and one is rich but a wrong choice chosen makes one pauper. But life is about continuous choices and continuous selections, realisation is a state of no choices thus no selections thats where the cycle ends for a human in death and for a yogi by choice to end it when alive

Reached US, New Jersey

No profiling
No immigration questions
No Jet lag
However this was the first time somebody took a fingerprint of me ever

Awareness - J Krishnamurthi

Excerpts from the Bok Truth and Actuality - J Krishnamurthi

Does Awareness include choice? or is awareness a state of mind, a state of observation in which there is no chice whatsoever? Is that possible?

One is educated from childhood to choose and that is our tradition, that is our habit, that is our mechanical instictive reaction. And we think because we choose there is freedom. What does awareness mean: to be aware?. It imples, doesnt it, not only to physical sensitivity, but alsosensitivity to environment, to nature , sensitivity to other people reactions and to my own reactions.

So awareness implies, doesnt it , a total sensitivity : to color , nature to all my reactions, how I respond to others, all that is implied inawareness, isnt it? Iam aware of this tent, the shape of it and so on. One is aware of nature , the world of nature, the beauty of trees, the silence of trees, the shape , beauty, depth and solitude of trees.

And one is aware also of one's relationship to others, intimate and not intimate. In that awareness is there any kind of choice? - in total awareness, neurologically, physically, psychologicaly, to everything around one, the influences, to all the noises and so on.

Is one aware not only to ones own beliefs but those of others , opinions, judgements, evaluations, and conclusions. all that is implied otherwise one is not aware. And can you practice awareness by going to a school or a college or going to a guru who will teach you how to be aware? is that awareness? if awareness is sensitivity to these , can it be cultivated through practice?

Unless there is total sensitivity , awareness becomes concentration on oneself. You cannot be aware of your awareness. When you are happy and you are aware that you are happy , it is no longer happiness. What is the difference between awareness and attention? in awareness there is a centre from which you are aware? when i say iam aware , then i move from a centre, i respond to nature from a centre , i respond to my friends, to my wife, husband or whatever it is - that centre being my conditioning, prejudices, my desires, my fears, and all the rest of it. In that awareness there is centre. In attention there is no centre at all. Please try to listen for two minutes. You are now listening to what is being said and you are giving total attention. That means you are not comparing , you do not say " i already know what you are going to say", " I have read what you have said etc" all that has gne and you are completely attentive and therfore there is no centre and attention has no border.

happiness

Everyone in this world would agree
happiness is what they seek to be free
no one likes to suffer and be inactive idly
they seek it in many ways consciously and unconsciously
the nature of self is that which doesnt change,
i become son, dad , grandpa
i become rich , poor , needy
i become happy, sad, bored
but it is the same I which experiences and exchanges.
that which doesnt change, we didnt know we are it truly
for those like me, I only knew it intellectualy.
thus happiness instead of experiencing became a want and lacking
what we truly want is what we started seeking,
what we seek is that which gives happiness
that which gives when sought outside, created inside emptiness
but time & again in its outside absence, it created worries
but the basic-nature, in search of happiness inwardly ferries
if it were within it cannot go without you wanting,
if not outside it is whatever already inside
if it is inside it is also reflected naturally outside,
for inside & outside if were different one wouldnt be happy
another word for this happiness is love.
Mind nature is to easy to learn but difficult to unlearn,
thats why habits die hard, past torments , conflicts arise.
training mind to unlearn, is only way to overcome
otherwise knowing this , you still cannot become

Creation

In world of permanance created by HIM
permanent are the divides created by man
In multitude of colors created by Him
discrimination of races was what he could see
In abundance of nature created by Him
poverty was what he created to be rich
in a free world map created by Him
drawing lines around him he created nations
in His garden of love created by HIM
man sought it in other , not within
in His Messiah's sent to unify earth
he divided creating myth gods living in temples called religions
in His numerous paths created to climb his abode
man created the ladders of heaven and hell, resting it in his imagination
In eternal reality created by HIM
man died every moment counting his illusionary time
in His universal oneness of mankind created by him
universities of relationships he created treaching lessons of selfishness
in His never dying Atman
he created the ever dying fear
in His Blissfull brahman
he created the suffering seer

The Pairs

appearances deceive
words flatter
knowledge brainwashes

mind tempts
heart throbs
Being is

senses illusionise
body decays
mind divides

language polishes
speech seduces
thoughts chain

interests die
desires increase
karma accumulates

pleasure shortlives
happiness conditions
bliss outlives

duty given
responsibility taken
seva neither

intellect reasons
insights flash
life teaches

concentration energises
meditation silences
samadhi empties

belief doubts
faith surrenders
reality transcends

God awakens
beloved overwhelms
Love consumes

Teachings

Your depths of Love
makes me look from it, the heights of sacrifices
Your unsaid words of parting
have made me listen to my inner voice
you have taken my eyes with your beauty
to open the Inner I
You have taken away my sleep
no longer can i dream of happiness but suffer in reality
from your hollowness of heart devoid of me
echoes the reverberating cries of my love
the longing has taught me patience
the suffering has taught me compassion
the seperation has taught me Oneness
the love has taught me abut myself

Love Drop

I searched the pearl of love in Ocean
deep inside your heart diving in motion
there, my waves of hope never rests
my tears of love never dries
I glimpsed at your heart to learn the lesson
how to see in everyone' heart, the same beautiful vision
in your drop of love iam quenched
in its vastness of compassion iam drenched
nature is lost amidst you to think and reason
falling as leaves of love and unchanging its season
iam like a fish swimming in the drop
let not your love drop dry
let not your love drop flood
for i cant live in either

Falling in love

I fell in love to her silence
before i loved her words
i fell in love with he presence
before i loved her looks
I fell in love to her mind
before i loved her knowledge
I fell in love with her wisdom
before i loved her speech
I fell in love to her heart
before i loved her smile
I fell in love to her grace
before i loved her embrace
I fell in love with her immortal divinity
before i loved her beauty
I fell in love to Love
before i loved her
I fell in love before i met her
whence there was no before or after
I fell in love with her Being
and still yet to arise

Death

Death is something which intellectual / philosophical mind thinks it knows about it too well and think they dont fear about. Infact for those who have truly transcended it are already enlightened masters. Standing from a pseudo intellectual stand and putting ourselves in a situation where we would pass out this second is easy as we know we are very much safe and it is only living an idea / a mere insincere dramatisation of thought of death. Which would only soothe the intellectual mind to feel it doesnt fear it.

To really know what death is without dying,was the experience of Ramana maharishi where as a young kid to simulate death he held his breath and was in a rigor mortis position with total attention/sincerity and alert to find the realisation he is not the body.

The act of dying cannot be easily for an untrained mind be cognized or contemplated to give the real final moments of one's end. Eventhough done with utmost sincerity if it were merely for an intellectual thirst , such a mock experience would leak out as such. The final moments cannot be lived through nor the unspeakable parting with life can be explained. Sudden death in a way of ignorance is more peaceful , for death is not anticipated that instant or moment and a brief struggle departs the life force with the body. Prolonged dragging of life anticipating death but still not giving up is more painful for it is the height of conflicts , for it is a battle between your true self and your mind, for it is a challenge for untrained mind to give up all its desires, for it is a call by nature to think as if life was a dream, for it is a true experience and insight to really believe the illusionary nature of people who you have lived with , for it is a path to a destination which your ignorant/uncertain and unknown , for it is a continued form of physical and mental suffering both complimenting each other and for the untrained mind of yoga , it is an helpless observer in misery.

More painful are the partings where you cannot express your last days , your feelings, your inner trauma, your physical pain, your restlesness, things which you have failed to do, things which you want now to do , things which you want others to do, your desires, your last wishes, your hearty thanks for those serving your body as relatives/doctors/nurses, those few little words which you would want to say to those who you would know intuitively would be seeing last, those unbearable moments where you cannot even open your eyes but can listen to those who are talking to you, when you know the struggle is starting to be in vain and that your lossing the battle, the philosophical- emotional aspect of death being inevitable and so untimely, the recurring past and the good times with people and for you that you are leaving behind as others memories, that you would be henceforth only remebered through freezed snaps of time in frames and photos, that whether would people remember and think of you after you are gone, the feeling of inability conflicting with your still healthy mind, the loneliness with your inner self conflicting with the aloneness in the physical world wherein your senses are no cooperating with the mind, the feeling you want to be awake , alert , aware but conflicting with your medical drugs and pain killers which is dozing you off to sleep, wanting others to somehow read your mind and know your thoughts, intentiionally going back and forth between dreaming of recovery and suffering pulling you again and again in the now and teaching you that it is impossible, still being ignorant knowing you are the body but conflicting as the parts no longer listen or is in control of the mind, wanting to leave the suffering than realising to leave the empty fruitless desires , awaiting that moment but not knowing that moment for untrained mind will slip without awareness. Buddha said Sarvam Dukam Dukam ( world is misery, misery) for others not for the realised.

A journey to Thiruvanamalai (Ramanasramam)

New Year was spent on a pilgrimage trip to Thiruvanamalai to visit Ramana Maharishi Ashram. There are numerous buses leading from Madras or Chennai with a bus frequency to Thiruvanamalai every 15 minutes. Buses start from Koyembedu where the Mofusil Bus Terminus is located as early as 5.30 am all day through and roughly takes 4 hours for the journey to reach Thiruvanamalai. The cost of the ticket is roughly $1 (55 Indian Rupees) and takes you through some breathtaking scenary filled with lakes, rocky mountains, paddy fields and village life all the way through. You are dropped off on a crowded busy market from where it would be 10-15 minute walk past the thiruvanamlai temple. Everyone from the shopkeeper to a street biy would know of the ashram and can direct the way easily.

The ashram was in a very serene place, where a statue of Ramana lay in the center along with the inscription of what led to his enlightening experience at age of 16. There is a mini book shop inside the ashram campus and office at the entrance who take care of the day to day administration. Close to the main ashram is the room where Ramana Maharishi attained his samadhi, the room contained the bed and his items with the calendar last torn on 14th Feb 1950 and time in the clock having stopped at 8.47 pm. There were also the samadhi of some his close followers along with jackie the dog, the crow and Lakshmie the cow are laid to rest. There is also a large meditation hall with a nearby well, inside the hall is the statue of ramana meditating and is advised to take three rounds around the altar inside, in case Giri VALAM (walking around the huge arunachala mountain) cannot be done, whicht akes roughly around 4 hours.

There was a gate at the back of the ashram leading to the Virupaksha Skanda cave where Ramana meditated for 7 years from 1915 - 1922. It was a good steep climb for about 40 minutes with rocky path all the way to the mountains from where a beautiful full landscape of city of Thiruvanamalai can be witnessed, along with the complete ariel view of the temple. The steps lead to the samadhi of Ramana's mother and the next main entrance to a small 20 X 40 meditation room , whose entrance has numerous photos of ramana himself. Still further inside the meditation room is the small shiva linga and ramana photo. The 20 x 40 room has a mat laid and lot of westerners meditate there eventhough could be constantly disturbed by visitors presence . Unfortunately even at the top of the mountain the noise pollution could be heard with increasing traffic almost increasing year after year.

The profoundness of the travelling experience was that, there was never even a moment of boredom and the mind could constantly pull back the wandering thoughts in the NOW which was very pleasant.