Strange Life

I dont need to defend this heading.. everyone would have felt or experienced this many times , mostly when they are down . To me as i write , the feeling of what is in store for my life in future is a very daunting question and i dont have any answers. I want to tune in to mould myself and qualify myself to experience the higher purpose of life ( assuming it does exist) , my last 5 years of experience has changed many things in terms of my attitude towards right and wrong and had been more accomodating and accepting the diversification of the human mind and the differences. One thing i have understood is , trying through intellectual means to understand this whole existance and everything in totality is a vanity and waste of effort. Every action should be based on a real need and not to nourish intellectualism or pride, every such attempt to work on a real need alone gives the fullest of satisfaction and provides a true permanent resolution to problems. Last 5 years have been, more international exposure , more oppurtunities to meet different kind of people and more mental challenges. There seems to be no end to these challenges , the answers to these challenges is to understand the commonality of them and more focus on the true nature rather than trying to find individual solutions.
As a conscious decision, i have to become more active in my engagement towards the goal and other activities other than work. I need to get more smarter when to say NO and focus more on self development and in some earnest spiritual practice. I need to tackle problems with more smartness and also improve a keen sharp razor mind , i should be tired of anything and need to form the strong Hu-KNO network and build strength with these contacts and personalities. I feel burdened with confusion, purposelessness in many things i do , a feeling iam doing all this because to avoid boredom and continue to do something or the other as long as i continue to live. Time is an illusion, nothing is to be hastened just because i have not been doing so long. I think the best of philosophies i read , believe and want to practice is living life this moment , probably the arduous thing to do but probably a panacea to many of mine and others problems.
I thinkwhat is interesting in life is the relentlessness and the tirelessness and ability to pull back your strings whenever a challenge of any form is thrown to you. Its true at end of the day one would feel tired having to fight back , but to lead a life of perfection or happiness , the best would be is to take it at a time and live it momentarily and intelligently and definitely there is enough help in terms of books, philosophers, people, history and experience to lend a hand. It is true you cannot sit back and relax , what to do life is not the way we want it but i guess rather how you make it , you can when you have learnt its secret , till then it is your ability to survive and capacity to endure which can lead you to that. I think life can be more beautiful and i see the light at the end of the tunnel , dont lose hope ! for you have mae it this long , it will be difficult to break certain things you have learnt in childhood, there would be difficulty when you have to change , but thats about life , and is all about yourself to give it is a meaning or to live without a meaning or to find whether associating anything to it, itself is a fallacy. Good luck!