"Real-I-Saytion"

I laugh inward
at those struggles and pain
they are as real as me
i embraced the philosophy of maya
at same time struggling to forfeit this reality
i can even be drived to believe am unreal
but i cannot of my love and of you
i am twisted and tied by life's opposites
it seems life is about surviving than living
yet i find momentary happiness amidst this chaos
i have been sad when i was happy
i have been selfish when i was magnanimous
i have been in pride when i was humble
i the i have been through it all and in all
Is therefore possible to believe this reality
but still be free from its chains?
is realization a predictable doctrined practice
or interpreting our experience to solve own life puzzle?
is realization knowing this pattern or
outliving by being impersonal to the opposites?
is realization about not reacting to it
or expecting to outwin through intellect?
is realization accepting this experience as real
or casting aside ourseleves as illusion?
is realization understanding life's core purpose
or finding its imaginary creation of the ego?
is realization apart from the senses
or acheived through the senses?
is realisation to find the supreme formlessness
or acheive it through our human forms?
is realization about acquring knowledge
or shedding our ignorance to know we are it?
is realisation about seeking truth
or negating all the falsehood?
is realization about what i learnt from others
or that which was there from my birth?
is realization real
or its a mere mind game?